Davy Jone's Locker

 What has...

No backbone so that it can fit into just about any space.

When threatened, it changes color in order to blend with surroundings.

Uses a smoke screen to escape from any who would confront it.

Has many arms and if one gets removed,it just grows back.

Loves to squeeze the enemy and paralyze them before ending their life.

Has been know to turn on it's own kind.

Is poisonous in all of it's different species.

Has been known to build walls around it to hide it's true intentions. 

Though these are some traits of the octopus, I truly wish that was what I was describing here. To my dismay, I am describing something much more hideous, more treacherous, more cunning, more poisonous than any sea creature from down below. What is it I am describing, you ask...

Disillusioned

So you're disillusioned with the church, who isn't? You feel like you're not getting fed or like people are not recognizing you for all of your wonderful efforts. Maybe you believe the pastor's theology is so off base, they're too legalistic, or they're too free.

Has your disillusionment caused you to leave the church all together, church hop, or do you sit in your seat every Sunday stewing in your own "pew"? How long will you be able to contain your discontentment before it turns to outright bitterness and hatred?

If you are tired of the growing disdain in your heart for church, if you are ready to cure the poison of bitterness and resentment that is eating you from the inside out, then give this article the chance to be used of God to speak to right where it hurts. You may not like what I have to say, you may disagree, or it may just change your heart.

Price of Comparison

Sometimes in the shadow of others we can have the tendency to feel small and insignificant. Whether it's in our personal life or in our ministries, feeling insignificant can be the deflation of the largest hearts.

Yet, so many times we get caught in the feeling of it all and miss the eternal truth of the ministries we are called to. If your feelings have cruel intentions of tricking you into feeling insignificant in ministry, you are not alone. Let's take a journey past our feelings though....

Ain't Always Easy

Where do you draw the line between being a polite, civil christian and a frustrated, annoyed mouth piece of God?  I know for me, sticking my foot in my mouth is a constant problem. Getting better at expressing my "pepper" with a "Salt" attitude is a goal worth working towards. If you struggle with a Salt & Pepper attitude then you know "it ain't easy".  What frustrates us so? Is it other people? Bad decisions? Uncertain circumstances? Or could it be the "C" Word?

Those Who Draw Lines

"It's either them or me" 

"You're with me or against me"

 "You need to choose a side"

"There's been a line drawn, don't cross it"

These statements and those like it are things you should never hear from a friend. Unfortunately, in the face of insecurities, relational boundaries,  and broken loyalties, the line gets drawn in the sand and a friend calls you to choose. Happened to you? What do you do? How do you respond?

Spear of Saul

Have you ever wanted to pick up your offense and just throw it at someone? Every time the person's name comes up it's like a reminder of how much you want to see them pinned to the wall!

The story of Saul & David found in the latter chapters of 1st Samuel are an unbelievable tale of hurt, betrayal, faithfulness and mercy. When I try to place myself in this epic battle I am not always certain I know which part I play. Either way, I know this... today I want to throw my spear almost more than I ever have before...

Brokenness

"And some of us have found that there is no prayer that God is so swift to answer as the prayer that He might break us."

~Roy Hession

In ministry, it is so easy to get caught in the flow of things, yet in the course of changing currents, we can want something so badly that we move out of the flow and into the strain of forcefulness. By the time we realize how far we have swam from the stream it is usually too late. Finding ourselves on our knees wondering how things have gotten the way they are, we pray that prayer we dread and love all at once.

"Lord, Break Me...!"

Discipleship Clutch

Really??? Can't we work together? Why must denominational boundaries go up like drawbridges over moats in mid-evil times? Whether it is churches, para-church ministries, leaders, or followers; unity of mission seems to be an impossibility in modern Americanized Christianity today.

When are we going to put our plans down? Our egos down? Our walls down? When will we see that the "moat" to the Kingdom of God has been opened for us to enter HIS KINGDOM and forsake ours?!

Projected Pain

Hurt people, hurt people. Sad but true. When it comes to pain you either experience a lot or a little, you give or receive. Yet, it is all in how we learn to deal with our pain that determines the collateral damage.

The Darkside of projection can sway even the most noblest of Jedi into the coldest Sith lord. If our pain bleaks our emotions and controls our decisions making process we become the heavy iron handed tyrant looking to conquer kingdoms. In the saga, Darth Vader was simply a hurt person who projected his hurt on others. Do you ever side with Vader?

I've Become the Older Brother!

See Me in the back...

Yup, that's me... in the back, arms at my side not believing what I am seeing! After all he did. After all he squandered. After leaving his responsibilities. After leaving his family and he is welcomed back with loving arms and a feast! I have been the one doing the work! When it comes to our successes I have stood with you. In our failures I stood by your side. Father what are you doing!

Sadly, that was my heart last night. I saw a transaction between a mentor and a friend...a brother. The mentor's love for this brother was so true and genuine. I didn't even know the entire context of the the transaction, but it filled my heart with jealousy, hurt, and anger. I knew this was a dark spot, the devil's playground, but I could not help the feelings. It was all so overwhelming.

I came home and told my wife how I was feeling. "Its like the story of the father welcoming his son home" she said to me. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks! God had placed His finger on a place in my heart that needed healing.

 I had become the older brother! 

I have always been the prodigal and never the older brother. Now I am getting a good dose of some sour medicine. Last night was a God inspired, ego checking, repentance required moment. I hear the words of the father to the older son in new light this morning because I hear them being spoken to me...

   "All this time his older son was out in the field. When the day's work was done he came in. As he approached the house, he heard the music and dancing. Calling over one of the houseboys, he asked what was going on. He told him, 'Your brother came home. Your father has ordered a feast—barbecued beef!—because he has him home safe and sound. The older brother stalked off in an angry sulk and refused to join in. His father came out and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't listen. The son said, 'Look how many years I've stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends? Then this son of yours who has thrown away your money on whores shows up and you go all out with a feast! His father said, 'Son, you don't understand. You're with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours—but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he's alive! He was lost, and he's found!" ~Luke 15:25-32 (Msg.)

The contents and context doesn't match last nights circumstance exactly, but the condition of my heart and the older brothers heart match to the tee. Glad to say that God would not allow my heart to stay in that condition. Using my wife, He was able to put His loving finger on a spot in my heart I was too blind to see. The words of the father "you're with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours" has a new ring to it when it comes to my mentor and to my Heavenly Father. I guess realizing you are in this spot and repenting is a whole lot better that realizing and revolting.

Failing at the Finish Line

Who is this staring back at me?

Today I face yet another failure. This failure plagues me from time to time and has the capacity to really ruin my ability to feel worthy. What is so sad about this particular failure is that I see the crash before it happens and yet I continue at full speed.

You would think that with the extent that I deal with feelings of failure in my life I would have more compassion on the failures of others, right? Sadly I don't feel I do. I was just speaking with a friend who has a similar failure in their life and I remember think to myself "This guy can't be for real!" Yet when I face the mirror of my own failure I am distraught with a sense of guilt and a hunger for God's forgiveness. While talking with my friend I also remember thinking "how didn't you see that coming?" And yet I see my failure clearly and continue. After today's epic failure, God got a hold of my heart. Here I couldn't believe that my friend could be so deceived and manipulated into failure (by another person no less). Holding my judgment upon him, I walk knowingly right into my area of weakness and fail miserably... deceived and manipulated by none other than I.

So where does this leave me tonight? Well, I'm not going to hell... that's for sure! I am brokenhearted over my failure, over my sin. I am brokenhearted because after all the preaching, teaching, and counseling on knowful, willful, and purposeful sin... I fall prey yet again. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I wanted to willfully sin against my loving God and against others, but what I did want is "MY" satisfaction. I wanted "My Way" for just a couple of moments. I wanted to be "In Control". Well, I guess in essence, I wanted sin. I was deceived by my two worst enemies... Satan and Myself. I was deceived because I believed what brought me failure was going to bring success. I know better than that... now I look in the mirror and hurt.

 

The video goes to show that even when you think you have the victory, don't be so ignorant of the race still being run even when the end is near. I watched this and thought with each "epic failure" like the one I experienced today, it has always been when I think I have it beat. Imagine what that racer must have felt like when he went home and looked himself in the mirror. Maybe he couldn't! Second place feels like last when you royally mess up first.

Did you notice Mr. Epic Fail picked up his bike and finished the race? That really got my attention. I might have been so mad with myself I would have walked off the track and found somewhere to hang my head. I wanted to do that with today's failure, but I didn't. I remembered I am in the race to finish... failures and all. God's word says that "while we were helpless, Christ died for the ungodly" (Romans 5:6) and "God demonstrated His love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us" (5:8). Maybe I am not out of the woods yet in some of my struggles. Maybe God has a process I have not yet yielded or availed myself too. A couple things I do know is that sometimes I do what I hate even when I want to do what is good. Sometimes the presence of doing good is in me, but the willing I do not do. Who will save a wretched man like me?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin. (Romans 7:25) Praise God for the beginning of chapter 8...

 

"Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death"

Rubbernecking

Driving down the road the other day I saw red and blue flashing lights. I thought to myself "wonder what happened here?" Trying to drive stick shift, talking to my wife on the cell phone I began to rubberneck only to see some poor schmoe pulled over getting a ticket.

As I drove away, quite craftily if I do say so myself, God spoke right to my heart. Accidents happen when we are gawking at the misfortune of others. You know, you have been on the highway when there is an accident and everyone is slowing down to see. If you are anything like me, you scream and yell (in your head of course) at all the idiots for slowing down and causing a traffic jam over getting a peek at the carnage. Well, that is until you get there and have to get your chance to peek! Has that ever backfired on you? Have you ever been rear ended, rear end someone or worse while rubbernecking?

I did a little research on rubbernecking. On just about every site I went to with a "Top 10 Reasons for Auto Accidents", rubbernecking was always number four. Click on the link, it is  Google search results and see for yourself. It is amazing that when doing something as serious and dangerous as driving a car, with the potential for harming ourselves and others, we risk for an eye full of someone else's wreckage! Imagine That!!!

So how about our lives? I know I am guilty of "spiritual rubbernecking". Oh... you don't know what that is? I will gladly explain. Spiritual Rubbernecking is when we are going on our marry little way in life and "pass-by" someone experiencing wreckage. Oh, we look, we gawk, we talk, we tisk, and we shake our heads... "That won't ever be me!" That is until we crash into what was right in front of us!

Luke 6:39-42

"39 And He also spoke a parable to them: "A blind man cannot guide a blind man, can he? Will they not both fall into a pit?40 A pupil is not above his teacher; but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher.41 Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?42 Or how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye."

We get so caught up with all the wreckage in the lives of others (as observers non the less!) that we are not concerned with what is in front of us. As we gawk at those experiencing the carnage of live, we are setting ourselves up for a little carnage! Look, if you are interested in the wreckage of others.... "Stop, get out of the car, and see what you can do to help" (and that is help, not police). If we can't be committed to that, Keep your eyes on your own road and focus on what's in front of you! IJS 

House of Complexities

I have never felt so intimidated as a pastor and a public speaker than the last few times I spoke. Whether it is social issues or words of faith it really seems like any which way I go, any stand I decide to take, and any position I place myself in... someone is always right there to back me in a corner or push me through a trap door. As the saying goes, "Can't please everybody"!
I am learning that public speaking in any forum is a cesspool of twisted words, argumentative debates and just brutal attacks from people who disagree. It can be pretty disheartening because out of all the "good" comments it's always the one bad comment that ruins my day. Soon I find myself trying to maneuver through a house of complexities trying to figure which way is up, which way is down and who did I upset this time with my average theology?

I have had a handful of wonderful mentors in my life and faith walk. Men of God who, by the best of their knowledge and ability, shaped and steered my young life. Not all of these men saw eye to eye on everything. Chances are that if I had them all in one room at the same time there might have been an all out brawl! So being shaped by such a variety of teaching personalities and perspectives has it's advantages, but also it's disadvantages.Having more than one of these men in the room at the same time while speaking can take it's toll on me mentally, physically, and spiritually.

I don't want to have to dance around the house of complexities when I speak! I want to speak the message God has placed on my heart through the scripture He has opened up to me. I want those who have discipled me to recognize the faith, hope and love that comes through my messages whether or not I use the same terminology as they do or the same theology as they do. I have come to believe things to be true by the Spirit of God, not by the influence of man alone. Yet, I find I dance all the same.

 Galatians 1:10

"For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ."

Just a failure to communicate I guess. I am growing out of it. The more the Lord pricks my heart about "tailor-made" messages, the more I want to preach the word of God as He reveals it and as He leads. Failure is doing things for other peoples approval, success is doing thing as God leads no matter who is sitting in the room. I know I don't have it all right... and I am beginning to be come concerned for those who think they do!

Comfortable Grace

Let me start by saying that I can't believe it has gotten to this point. I do not believe in "Cheap Grace", "Greasy Grace", or any other "Grace" that was not bought and paid for by Christ Himself. Having said that, we are in dangerous times because the message of God's Grace is headed on a dangerous course. (I can't believe I just typed that!) Let's see if I can get through this blog without "dissing grace" and staying true to the forefront of our call as disciples who are daily in need of God's expensive grace found in Christ Jesus Our Lord.

Let me share with you a few statements I have come across in the last month or so...

1. There is no need for surrender because we are "in Christ"
2. We don't need Pastors, teachers, or leaders to instruct us
3. You can't take the Bible literally, especially Adam and Eve
4. You need "special grace revelation" to really understand this message
5. Put down your bible and "trust" God's voice 
6. Jesus' words are Old Testament and therefore don't apply any longer 

There are many more thought patterns out there that have the semblance of truth and that are catchy enough to steer those not founded, sounded, and grounded in the word astray. Remembering that a half truth is a whole lie, we need to get back to the word of God (in context) and really measure the message of God's Grace that has flooded our churches today.

Paul knew much about having to keep doctrine in check. There isn't a better example than his letters to Timothy. Listen to 2nd Timothy 4:3-4

"For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from  the truth and turn aside to myths."  

Paul, dealing with the influx of Greek culture into the church, had to make sure that sound doctrine was being taught. There were those using the Law unlawfully and there were those taking advantage of new believers and women believers. False teachers were rising and not flat out denying Christ but minimizing Him. Now this is a farcry from where the message is today, but I want you to understand that there were those who were "doctoring the doctrine".

Let's face it... there are people leaving Churches in droves. Today's culture has become resistant to the entire message of God's word. God's unfailing Grace, though a HUGE part... is just that, a part. Jesus had a Kingdom message that dealt with many varying and sometimes contradictory (by appearance and not truth) elements. So, are people leaving because they are being "set free" as they claim, or because they are being deceived into believing a gospel that is a bit more comfortable, convenient, and compelling to them? 

I have heard those who have "come to understand the grace message" talk so ill of those who still attend church. The "grace-ones" make me laugh sometimes because they say they don't want to go to church yet meet in homes all over the place. They say the don't want to be under pastors, but they follow the thoughts, books, cds, dvds, and speaking events of Grace ministers. So it does sound as if that could qualify as "to suit their own desires they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what will tickle their ears."

I was told that Christianity isn't about morals, it's about Christ. Well, Duh! But let me flip that for you, If you know Christ will you have morals? And will those morals be important to you? Can you say you know Christ and not have morals? Can you say that you know him and despise the people of God found in the institutional church? Can you say you know Christ only to live for yourself, keeping your faith "personal" and stagnant? "It's not about doing, it's about being"... I get that more that you know! But don't forget this one "I do because of who I am". The message of God's Grace does not produce spiritual laziness! It does produce Spiritual Life, and that life is not for us to keep but to give away. (not that it ever runs out in us!!!) 

I am not saying the institutional church has it all together by far. There are legitimate hurts that take place due to abuse of power, legalism, lasciviousness, licensism, and flat out bad doctrine or no doctrine at all! You may think I'm some kind of wack job, but God's word tells us that we are to live separate lives, holy lives, moral lives... but the key in all this is HIS GRACE. We can't even begin to BE any of the above without the expensive, costly, extravagant, extraordinary, abounding GRACE.

So, before you believe the lie that you have been set free from a standard of living that is above reproach, an authentic involvement in a church body, the Shepardship of a Pastor, the call of discipleship, and a flat out laying down of your life, your ways and your ideas for HIS....

Stop listening to those voices, and pick up your BIBLE  

Test everything by the word of God and you cannot go wrong.

God's Grace Cannot be Cheap or it ceases to be God's Grace

Appearances Can Be Deceiving

Today is Easter Sunday, Resurrection Sunday. I sat in Church today and listened to a dear friend of mine give the sermon. My mind was filled with so much that I am amazed that I even heard anything. Yet, I did. My dear friend went over some scripture I am quite familiar with but heard brand new today. God's word is so alive! Here is the scripture he spoke of...
Romans 3: 23-25
23 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.24 Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.25 For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past,26 for he was looking ahead and including them in what he would do in this present time. God did this to demonstrate his righteousness, for he himself is fair and just, and he declares sinners to be right in his sight when they believe in Jesus.

It dawned on me that I have heard this first verse pounded into Christian thinking and I haven't ever really heard to many people keep it in the context of the following verses. It's as if we use verse 23 for an excuse when we sin or a condemnation when others sin. But this morning, this Easter Morning, this Resurrection Day Morning the following verses fell in line for what appeared to be the first time!

Yes we have all sinned, fallen short, and failed God's glorious standard, but the Gospel, the Good News isn't about us! It's about Him! YET GOD declares! Let those words sink into your physical, spiritual, emotional and moral failure for just a moment. "Yet God declares..." something big is coming.... THAT WE ARE RIGHTEOUS. It was done through Christ and not through any of our efforts of trying not to fail God. Jesus was presented before God as the sacrifice. We are DECLARED righteous because HE said so... well, because He is God. 

The appearance of  our failures can bring about many doubts and troubles. Insecurity and insignificance can creep in like a snake as the cloud of failure looms. But we need to remember that it's not about what we say, it's not about what others say, it's not about what the appearance of our failure is. It's all about Christ's victory on the cross,though we were undeserving, God's kindness DECLARES.


Look at what we celebrate today. Remember the pathway to the open tomb was marked by suffering, shame, brutality, accusation, betrayal, hatred, lies, and the appearance of failure. I think Mel Gibson displayed it best in The Passion of the Christ when Jesus let out His last breath it was like Satan instantly knew he had been defeated. The whole time thinking he was accomplishing something only to find in the end what looked like Jesus failure was actually His Victory.  Appearances can be deceiving.

Family vs. Minstry Conflict

I though it was supposed to be simple. Maybe that's what I get for thinking! I feel like that last string is going to break and I am going to lose... either way.
I remember the day I got ordained, One of things I was told to do was to put three things in order.

#1 God

#2 Family

#3 Ministry

So I said I would put them in that order and keep them in that order. Now years down the road I feel like it is backwards at times. Maybe it is and I'm not willing to admit it openly. The frustration is exhausting. 

I think of the words of the Apostle Paul when he encouraged disciples to stay single like him if they could. Really Paul??? Now I wonder if I'm even fit for the ministry because of the stress it causes on my family. Should family men be "part-timers"? I don't have it in me to be a "part-timer", but I can't be a "full-timer" either. And so I'm torn most of the times between three things I love.

God- I know I don't spend the quality time with God that I need to. I have lots of excuse and all of the revolve around family and ministry. If it isn't one it's the other volleying for my time. So where do I fit God into? Sadly enough, the likeliest reason I am even in this predicament is because of my lack of quality fellowship the God. I'm a Pastor, I should know better... right? I wonder how many of you struggle with this too?

Family- I don't get enough time with my family and that is for sure. Between working a part time job and doing ministry I am always off and running. My wife and I continue to find this a sore spot in our marriage. At times her pain over my lack of presence can make me feel like a horrible husband and father... then again... maybe I am. Yet, what part of sacrifice for the Gospel is missing here? I heard Billy Graham's daughter talk about how he was always gone, yet he was out doing what God called him to do. I feel stunted in ministry due to this. Is that wrong? Paul's concern for those who would marry was plain in that the cares of this world would always be an issue. So, where does that leave me?

Ministry- The only thing I am gifted at. The one thing that is interrupting everything else. The more opportunities that come that I can't do makes me feel like I am missing out on God's calling for my life. How can great things be done in and for the Kingdom of God if I am always hesitant about time constraints? Being active in the lives of others for the Kingdom is where my heart is at...but it is tearing my family apart.

So, let's just get "all the right answers" out of the way. I know that nothing should be replacing my time with the Father, but it is. I know that I love my family and don't want anything to come between us, but it is. I am re-created to be invested in ministry with a gifting that is beyond anything I can just do "part-time', but I am. My struggle lies between two things I desperately love...plus lacking communication with the One who loves me. I already know my "right answer"... Time with God #1, Family is ministry, and opportunities come and go... this is just my struggle. Keeping the order right isn't as easy as I thought it would be. How's it working for you?     

The Business of Ministry?

What are you selling? What are you marketing? 3 year plan? 5 year plan? 10 year plan? What is the rate of return? As an investor, what am I getting for my dollar? We need a strategy! How can we make what we do look more appealing to the public? We should look more professional. It's time we did some professional training for our staff, on their dime and time. We should only invest in staff that are going to be committed to this organization only....etc


What has happened in ministry that we have felt the need to go corporate? Must we assimilate our ways to the ways of this world? Statements like the ones above and many like them are the on-slot of a worldly hostile take over in ministry today. Ministry Organizations have been pushed into the corner by fear and man handled by "the powers that be" to do ministry in a "safer" way, a more "organized" way, a more "professional" way. Sadly, those making these pushes very rarely have their hands dirty in ministry. Power, Politics, and Popularity has become the driving source of well meaning ministries all over our nation. For a believer, a follower, a Christ One, it goes without saying.... You can only have one source.

I was involved in a hostile take over once. A dear friend, mentor and boss grew ill rather rapidly. He could no longer Shepard over the ministry. The board of directors stepped in "with the best intentions" (true, some of them had... some) and asked this man to step down. When faced with this my friend, mentor, and boss did so. The next couple of years was like watching piranha. You might think that the biggest shark wins, but not this time... it was the smartest shark that won. This person along with the board of directors turned a God ordained ministry into a "board ran, small business" ministry. Many of the board and staff through that process resigned and the hostile take over was complete.

Now I want to mention that I myself was duped. The next "boss" was also a close friend of mine, at least for a while. I watched this person become someone I no longer knew. Once a God fearing person whose insecurities deepened their faith in God turned into a corporate monster that demanded excellence among those who were once peers, now only subordinates. This person told me early on "I cannot be your friend and your boss." Needless to say you know which one the person chose.

There are two kinds of leaders, there are those who are loved and there are those who are feared. Leaders who rule out of fear rule because they are afraid. Leaders who rule out of love rule because they know that they are loved by LOVE Himself. My friend, mentor, boss could be all of those things because he loved and knew he was loved by God. He never made me choose which one he needed to be in my life and he never made me choose between him and anyone else that was invested in my life. Love and encouragement flowed freely from him and therefore when it came time for him to be Boss... I respected that and he didn't have to ask for it. The demands of a fear-laden leaders will get results, but destroy followers. It's sad that we have lost sight of this in some areas of ministry today.

When the focus of ministry becomes some "product" you are selling the waters get real murky. Results based ministry will always have a surface level of grade A performance but deep down will be consistently superficial. With profit gains and budget agendas, new project launches and community networking, from results based motivations and performance based partnerships... "Corporate Ministry" just becomes another cesspool of politically correct identity theft clawing away at Who You Are In Christ and why you were chosen for ministry in the first place. And Where does Jesus fit in during all this? Oh, we prayed in His name at the beginning of our business meeting this month... that's right. 

Maybe you are in ministry and have experienced this, maybe you haven't, and maybe you will soon. It is always heartbreaking to go through things like this because ministry is so personal and business is... well, just that "business". I went through many stages during my disillusionment like denial, shock, anger, rage, side choosing, plotting, depression, hurt, and hatred. I stayed busy finding someone to blame instead of trying to be the change. By the time it was all said and done, well... I had lost a dear friend and a ministry I loved to a hostile take over. Which will we choose?

        

    Or  

Falling Apart

It seems like everywhere I go or anywhere I get involved with or relationships I "know" are going to last, it seems things just fall apart. Is it me? Have I done something that has caused this bad Ora to surround me, this bad JuJu? Whether it's ministry or personal, I feel like I am "getting in on" things as they are on their way out. Ministries fizzled, people leave the church, students stop attending youth group.Then you have parishioners knit pick the music, the dancing, the chairs, the message, my tie, my lack of tie, hymnals, no hymnals, the coffee, each other! All a pastor seems to have left is how did things get this bad and how can I fix them!  
I don't know about any other pastors, but this one gets tired and discouraged when things fall apart. Now, I can hear you spiritual guys (or ladies) saying all the right things pastors are supposed to say to someone who is discouraged. I know because I have said the same things. Yet, in the middle of the mess, trying to find the right tool to fix everyones problems I end up realizing that my "Fixer" is broken!
When things are falling apart all around me I can be pretty hard on myself. I naturally assume that it's my fault. I tell myself that there was something I could have said, something I could have done, something I shouldn't have said or done! Just that quick, life looks like a circuit board and all the pieces appear to be "the same but different". It's times like these I want to crawl in a hole and hide. I'm sure you have never felt like that, right? I begin to search myself to see what "secret sin" I have hidden that keeps causing everything to come apart. If any of you have done (or do) this you know it is a painstaking task because we will always find something we can always find some secret sin to blame it on. If you say you don't have a secret sin, well, you just found yours! Once located, we try so hard to purge ourselves from the SS as if it's an invading army trying to take over. All the while, things are getting worse all around us! UHHHHggg! Somebody Help!

Psalm 46:10
 "Cease striving and know that I am God; 

Still Small Voice
Elijah, running for his life from Jezebel, ducked into a cave. (That's right, I'm not the only man of God that wants to hide in a hole!) In this cave Elijah had an encounter with God. Wind blew, Earth shook,  and the fire was hot, but God wasn't in it! Dan Stone wrote a book called "The Rest of the Gospel" where he used an illustration of a hurricane for our lives. The bands are like all the chaos in our lives. So much destruction going on that we can't even see our hands in front of our faces at times. Yet, in the center of the storm is the calm, the peace. The eye of a hurricane is also where all the power lies. I think long before Dan Stone put this in his book, God told Elijah the same thing. I think today God is telling me... us the same thing. We need to stay in our Center instead of trying to fix things in the bands.

Sounds ideal right? Now let's life that out. I don't always remember this great truth in the middle of the chaos, mostly it's remembered after I have taken a few blows to the head. God is God and I am not. He is the one found in the still small voice, in the quietness of life. I am the one found out in the storm, come hell or high water, trying to fix everybody else. When I fail at this, I fail decent! But praise God that ministries fizzle, that people leave the church and that relationships ebb away because winds blow, the earth shakes, and fire is certainly hot! Yet, God is God. I leave you with God's question for Elijah;

What are you doing here, Elijah?    

'At Ah Boy

You know it's amazing at what a person will pat you on the back for. As a pastor "At Ah Boys" can be oh so dangerous. Let's face it... we like, no... we love the "At Ah Boy". What makes it so dangerous is we believe we are important when we get them and a failure when we don't. Some people will "At Ah Boy" you one minute and "Oh That Boy!" you the next.
Being honest, I like the "At Ah Boy" just as much as the next guy, but where I consistently fail is I let the amount of "At Ah Boys" take stock in the bank of my self-worth. When I am rich I am prideful and when I am poor I become depressed. This fluctuates like gas prices in the last five years! The detrimental toll this process has taken on my mind, body and emotions is a causality I am no longer willing to afford.

As a pastor I have gotten "At Ah Boys" for a variety of different sermons, decisions, social stands, rebukes, reconciliations, excommunications, you name it and I bet a pastor has been patted on the back for it. Yet, one of the worst "At Ah Boys" I have ever gotten begun a stirring in me that has shaped my ability to humble myself. It all started with death.

Some time ago I was asked to do a funeral for a dear friend. Going to this funeral I knew I would run into people I haven't seen in close to ten years. Most of these people had no I had become a pastor. Before the service I had people telling me that they had heard I was doing well and they were glad for me. Then came time for the service and I went up and introduced myself as Pastor @#$#$#@  @$#@$@. Many were shocked, in a good way. I went on in the memorial service barely able to speak at times due to the fact this was a very dear friend. When the service came to a close there wasn't a dry eye in the house, including mine. Yet, deep down inside I felt like a pure failure.

At the reception, people were flooding me with comments on how well I did. At first it was nice, but the more compliments I got the more my heart sank. Here I was at the wake of a close family friend. People were hurting all around, including me, and I was getting my fix of "At Ah Boys". This is sick, right? As the moments went on I began to feel more important, more significant, more secure. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. My friend was dead. The way I felt inside about the "At Ah Boys" made me mad. In the middle of my sorrow, like a leech, I was sucking my worth from my performance. Here in lies the danger.

Theologically I know the right answers to Security and Significance in Christ, but with my guard down a simple pat on the back can feel like hitting the lotto. I am glad that God used me to touch so many hearts that day, but let's make no mistake... it wasn't because of me or anything I put together. I am what I am today because Christ had mercy on me and extended His grace to such a wretch. The glory goes to God because the work done in my life and the words from my mouth are His and His alone. Anything I have to add is failure at it's best.    

Failure to Communicate

"What we got here is a failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach, so you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it. And I don't like it anymore then you men."

So much communication going on around us at all times. I have heard well meaning pastors tell couples that their problem is lack of communication. I used to think that was the problem to, until during a time of personal marriage counseling our counselor said to my wife and I; "You communicate just fine... you're just saying all the wrong things". That is failure to communicate! Non-communication is just that "NON", but failure is trying to communicate and saying all the wrong things. We communicate so selfishly. "Which is the way he wants it", this is what lies behind the failure to communicate. I'm not just talking about marriage here. Most relationships we have are centered around self (if we take an honest look). Just pay attention to when someone asks you how you are doing. Do they really want to know, or is it just a pleasantry we are taught to say. As pleasantry for someone who is hurting this can be even more devastating. Failure to communicate.

John- How are you today Alex?

Alex- I'm ok I guess, my mom is kind of sick and that's bugging me a bit

John- I sure am swamped,  glad you're ok, see you tomorrow.

So consumed with our own needs that we don't even here the communication that is being transmitted to us. Need I go on? Now, John might not be the bad guy. Alex might have said he was fine when he really wasn't. That is still communication. As a matter of fact, we communicate more with what we don't say most of the time. Christians are the worst at this. We fail at communicating because a lot of the time we speak another language, let's call it Christianize. We can do more damage simply by trying to have all the right religious answers. 

What about those men that "you just can't reach"? I know, as a pastor, I have tried tactic after tactic to reach the "unreachables". In the end I have only felt like I just beat them with a club and "I don't like that anymore then you men". No, I have found that a simple and authentic relationship with those "unreachables" always works better. We have to allow God to do the reaching.

Speaking of God. Let's turn the tables on us for a moment. Is there a failure to communicate in our relationship with God? Is it His failure? I believe God is always communicating with us, it's just;

"What we got here is a failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach, so you get what we had here last week, which is the way he (us) wants it. Well, he gets it. And I don't like it anymore then you men."

Imagine God saying that about us! I am sure He has said it about me! Mostly, I have no problem communicating TO God, but communication FROM God is another story.... at least for me. Again it boils down to selfishness. "Do I really want to do what God says?" By now, especially as a pastor, you might think that He says "jump" and I say "how high" every time. Unfortunately, sometimes He says "Jump" and I say "Did you hear something? Oh, I know what I'll do. I'll run."  God didn't say run! He said Jump! But I know better then He does... don't I?

Wow, I totally wasn't going this direction with tonight's writing. I had something different I wanted to get off my chest, but God must have had other plans for you and for me tonight. I truly pray that this helps someone and I didn't fail to communicate. Peace be with you and remember, You are always communicating.

Relational Failure

Today's relationships are as easy to break up as clicking an "UnFriend" button. What have relationships come to that the intimacy and honesty are missing and a vague sense of acquaintance is all we are left with. The sad thing is we take that vague sense of  acquaintance and dress it up with a superficial pleasantries that cater to our emotional need at the time. When needs change, the dress comes off, or we are challenged by actions or words we don't agree with we simply "hit the UnFriend button" and the relationship is over. This has been a constant failure both in my past and in my present time of life. The old song "Breaking up is hard to do" just doesn't apply anymore. We have become callous to the physical, emotional, and spiritual effects of broken relationships. This is an epic failure that we have taken as a norm for today's world. I don't know about you, but I don't want this relational failure in my life!
We take a look at Jesus going to the cross for the reconciliation of our relationship with God. He literally made us friends with God. That word friend falls on us lightly. For us, friend means someone who is like me; same interests, same desires, same direction. A friend has become our "yes" person instead of our "I painfully love you person". Jesus went through the pain, agony, and shame to restore relationship! We tend to go through the pain, agony, and shame only to tear it down.
We are given the ministry of reconciliation. We are to be restorers, not destroyers. Taking our offense or holding to our "rights" will always destroy. We have to see our relationships as more valuable than whatever problem or disagreement is. We have to take of the superficial mask of avoidance that we wear when we say "I forgive you (but don't want to be around you)" and replace it with the authentic forgiveness in light of the cross of Christ.
Today I am more towards the faith department because I put this into practice yesterday when God restored a relationship that had been separated by an unspoken goodbye. As much as I want to be right or to hold onto my offense, division and separation isn't the process that Christ has laid out. Reconciliation, no matter how painful, how agonizing, or how shameful it may seem is always Gods plan when it comes to our relationships.  

"Galloping Gertie"

"Slender, elegant and graceful, the Tacoma Narrows Bridge stretched like a steel ribbon across Puget Sound in 1940. The third longest suspension span in the world opened on July 1st. Only four months later, the great span's short life ended in disaster. "Galloping Gertie," collapsed in a windstorm on November 7,1940. 
The bridge became famous as "the most dramatic failure in bridge engineering history." Now, it's also "one of the world's largest man-made reefs." The sunken remains of Galloping Gertie were placed on the National Register of Historic Places in 1992 to protect her from salvagers. 
A dramatic tale of failure and success
The story of the failure of the 1940 Narrows Bridge and the success of the Current Narrows Bridge is a great American saga. When Galloping Gertie splashed into Puget Sound, it created ripple effects across the nation and around the world. The event changed forever how engineers design suspension bridges. Gertie's failure led to the safer suspension spans we use today." ~YouTube Video Caption


Faith can be shaken when the Gale winds of life come to test our suspension. I think like Ole Galloping Gertie we have all experienced a storm that broke us. For some it was complete destruction and that always feels like failure. But is it? Is it failure when we experience brokenness because of the storms of life? 


"Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently" ~unknown

This quote I came across has stuck with me through the years. I can't remember ever seeing my perceived "Gerties" as the learning ground for the future bridges God was wanting to build in my life. Galloping Gertie was perceived to be a failure the day it collapsed, but it's failure led to the future safety structures we depend on today.

I think the most astounding thing is that the bridge was rebuilt. Failure only lies in not getting back up to fight again. Some bridges in our lives can't withstand the storms of life, but that doesn't mean they are useless when they fail. God is in the life engineering business and doesn't want us depending on what is wavering and being prepared for brokenness, but on the only Constant we have in life... Christ!

Today, our "Great Faith Saga" is that what the enemy means for harm, God uses for good. Our Galloping Gerties may seem to be failures of epic proportions, But God is in the engineering business to build better bridges crossing the great divides in our lives. Don't be swayed by the promise of success or the perception of failure, but be prepared for the presence of peace from the One who can withstand the storm.     

More Than A River In Egypt

"Da-Nile" or "Denial"???

"Da-Nile" is more than a river in Egypt. Denial is a river that runs through most of our lives at some time or another. For some of us it is a constant flow with very little life. There have been several stages of denial in my life, but no matter how long I decide I want to swim in my stench, sooner or later I see the consuming (wet or dry) monster for what it is. Let's face it, Oranges are Oranges, Apples are Apples and Banana's are Banana's! No matter what kind of "Make up" or "Make Believe" we put on, denial isn't hard to see through. Unfortunately we are always the last ones to see through our own denial.


Yesterday I had a breakthrough. In years past I worked for a very heartbreaking ministry. At first it was a joy to be involved, but as years past the weight of sorrow and the power of politics (yes, politics in ministry if you can imagine that) took my eyes off of Jesus. I never meant for it to happen. As a matter of fact, until the very end I didn't even know it was happening. But it did. Yesterday I was speaking with the person who now holds my old position. The talk was great. To see his heart and the fire that burned deep within him reminded me of myself. He asked me about my struggles and surprisingly I was quite candid with him. For the first time ever, I heard myself admit things that I held deep within my soul. For the first time, I peeled back my heart to show someone else that I was indeed a banana.
I bet if more pastors where transparent enough to reveal what's underneath we would see the denial in the church all but dry up. Yet, most pastors fear the transparent because of all the crocodiles that come out of the wood work to bit and devour the wounded. We pastors run along the river banks running in packs trying to protect each other from the crocs. All the while, WE ARE RUNNING THE BANKS OF "DA-NILE". 

Yesterday was a breath of fresh air. In all the boast of ministry, we as pastors get hurt, burned out, tired and discouraged. It's amazing the amount of pastors that find Sunday night or Monday the most depressing days of the week. Just when everyone thought that pastors had it all together... we struggle like anyone else. If we're not careful we will find ourselves drowning in the depths of denial with crocs just waiting for us to run out of strength so that we become their next meal. Hey Banana.... YOU'RE A BANANA! Deal with it.

I Must Be Famous!

Epic Fail! It seems that could be my mantra for most days, at least according to my feelings. It seems of late I have had a knack for screwing up my role as husband, father, friend, mentor, and why not throw pastor in there as well. My long list of epic fails causes an epic amount of frustration and anger. When we are angry it is always easy to take it out on the ones we love and that causes conflict and tension.

The epic fail equals an epic amount of frustration, anger, conflict and tension. Hmmmm, it seems I remember those words from some of my training.


Told she was wasting her time and was to shy, Lucille Ball made it. Turned down because the sound was no good, The Beatles made it. Failed soldier and farmer, Ulysses S. Grant made it. Cut from the high school basketball team, Micheal Jordan made it. Told he was stupid, Thomas Eddison made it. Fired for not having an imagination, Walt Disney made it. Defeated in 8 elections and had a nervous breakdown, Abraham Lincoln made it.

So what about men like David who gave in to temptation? Made it! Elijah who ran and hid from Jezebel? Made it! Daniel in the lions den? Made It! Shadrach, Meshach and Abendego? Made it! Paul being stoned? Made it! And most of all... JESUS? Made it!

Many times what appears to us or the world around us to be failure really isn't! We meet with frustration, anger, conflict and tension because we want things to go our way instead of Gods (I.E. the flesh). The more we go this route the more we experience the epic feelings of failure. How do we get out of this turmoil?

Christ's Epic Victory! God has one grading scale, Pass or Fail. No matter what the results are or appear to be, if what we do we do in fellowship with Him by faith... PASS! No matter what the results are or appear to be, if we do it outside of fellowship with Him and on our own... FAIL. Results are up to God to sort out. The only difference between me and the people in this video or the men of the Bible, I am to willing to believe how I feel and the results I can see than knowing by faith that God has the results under control.

If I were to define myself by my failures I'd be famous. But ALL my failures aside, Christ succeeded! The funny thing about Christ's success is that to the world it looked like utter failure. We should think about that the next time we "feel the failure".

Feeling Short Changed???

So when it rains it pours, even for pastors. The last couple of weeks have been really stressful for me. It seems as if my heart sinks every time I hear the mail car come to the mail box... I used to love receiving mail. Bills are piling up, food getting more expensive, gas more expensive and used more, diapers x2, it feels like a sinking ship. I ask within my heart, "God, what's going on?" Working the ministry by day and a part-time job by night is wearing me out and yet my heart's desire is to be about my Father's business. Living doesn't seem like living at all. I feel as if I'm in the shadow of my loose change.

I sure am glad to know that I can't go on my feelings all the time! More often than not my feelings lie to me. I take a step back and see all of God's provision. He told me starting out that provision would come from where I least expected it to. He has proven himself right every time. People with very little are helping us keep our ends met. Food stays in the refrigerator and I don't know how! I call to find out why a certain bill is higher than normal and the company tells me it's not a bill but a credit! A friend stops by late at night on the way home from church and says, "God told me to give you this." handing us some cash. Provision!

Yet, I sit here now wondering how in the world I am going to pay my bills. What's wrong with me! It seems the more God shows His unfailing provision, the more I wonder how "I'm going to do it". At times it can be so easy to get caught up in the "I'll believe it when I see it" and then God shows it to me and I still doubt!

I don't want to sound all "unspiritual" with my doubts. I don't doubt God is God. I don't even doubt that God can provide. What I always end up doubting is "This Time". Will God provide "this time". I have had well meaning pastor and minister friends say all the right spiritual things like; "You have to stand on His word", "Believe like you know it's going to happen" and my favorite "Claim it and it's yours"! Easy things to say when you know Christianeese.

I want an authentic faith that is proven throughout life's storms. I guess that is why God has me in this spot. Let's call it "on the job training". When I tell someone else to trust God to provide, I don't want it to be some wishy washy pastoral nicety. I want it to come from a place deep within me that has struggled with the same issue honestly, transparently (coming from a ghost writer!), and authentically. I want it to be real.

One thing I am continuing to learn is that God is faithful... period. Struggling with all my doubts is just that, My Doubts. God and His work aren't effected by my doubts. Only I am. My inability to trust God doesn't hinder Him, it hinders me from seeing what He is doing right before my eyes. God is faithful. Being in this place of poverty is like no other place I have been. I have more opportunity to see God at work than if I were rich. If I were rich I doubt my heart would be set on God anyway. No, I would not trade the spiritual wealth of poverty for the worldly wealth of spiritual poverty. I'm content with my change!

Family Failure

It really seems that a "prophet isn't welcome in his hometown". I can speak to so many about the Gospel and Jesus, but when it comes to the struggles of my family members it seems I am most ineffective. My mom is a non-practicing Episcopalian, my sister a Unitarian, and I almost certain my brother is agnostic. With my mother it's a "personal" thing. With my sister it's an "open" thing. And with my brother it's just a thing. I know all the "right things" to say to each of them, but it is never received how I thought it sounded.

My ineffectiveness has moved to knew levels. My brother is in jail. All he asks is that I write him. I have no good excuses, I just tell myself "I'll do it tomorrow". I know what it feels like to be in jail, to not have anyone write you. When it comes to my own brother it "feels" like the pen is 100 pounds. I guess, for me it seems, I'm still the big brother that always beat him up. Now, I'm not sure which one of us that effects most.

I also have a nephew who comes from a broken home. It is almost the same home atmosphere I had growing up. He is dealing with so many issues. I struggle with the fact that we don't connect more. I know what he is looking for, the same thing I was... a father figure and I'm not sure I can give him that due to the fact we are so disconnected. But I have to try, right?

And in the midst of all of this... I am a Pastor. A pastor that can be used of God to deliver a dynamic message, counsel people who are struggling and teach a plethora of studies and programs. Yet, in the light of my family it seems that so much tension, ineffectiveness, and discouragement is at play.

Now I don't want to make this out like it is my families fault. I know that I hold an equal, if not larger share in the spiritual disconnect. Giving an honest evaluation of my motives and insecurities I tell you that my motives are wrong in that I want to "prove" something to them by revealing some great truth in their life. My insecurity is always that they will reject not just what I am telling them, but reject me. Most of the time my insecurities out weigh my motives pure or impure and I guess there in lies the problem.

Feeling Stuck?

Do you ever feel stuck? Feel like your just "doing" ministry the best you know how? That can be a very discouraging feeling. Most pastor might not admit this feeling burning deep within them for the fear that if they did it would make them "nonspiritual".  Yet, this feeling exists somewhere between faith and failure. If we were to be honest with ourselves long enough to evaluate what is happening than maybe we would get the answer. Let's take a look at some possible answers to why we feel stuck...

1. Secret Sin- This is likely the first conclusion that most of us (or others talking about us) come up with. There must be some "sin" in our lives that we are keeping secret and unconfessed. Though this might be a contributing factor, I don't think it is the root cause. I don't want to sound soft on sin, but I don't know that this is the answer. None of us are without sin and sin doesn't have any levels. While I do believe that sin hinders our relationship I am not sold on the idea that it's the reason we feel stuck in ministry.
2. Not Enough Faith- We see our "stuckness" as a sign that we don't have enough faith to do what God has called us to do. My question for this is "Faith in Who?". Our faith isn't about us in the first place, it's about Him. The Lord said that if we have the faith of a mustard seed we could move mountains. The word also says that EVERY man was granted a measure of faith. No, I don't think the answer is found here either.
3. Lack of Communication- Now we are getting somewhere. This is where I know I err. I tend to be a "doer" with the motto of "getter done". Sometimes we can get going in ministry and think that we have everything under control. This should be a key indicator that we are definitely not in control. Time spent in a two way conversation with God in necessary to a vibrant ministry. Remember Prayer is a dialog not a monologue.
4. Unsurrendered- I think we have hit the target with this one. In ministry we get these ideas of what "we" want to do and we come to God asking him to bless "our" work. Ministry explodes when it's his and not ours. Now, I am preaching to the choir here because I struggle with lots of good ministry ideas. I want to pick the ball up and get it rolling only to hit wall after wall. We have to ask ourselves if we have truly sought God out and surrendered to whatever He has planned. It is here that I tend to think that if I surrender to what He wants that it won't look like what I envisioned. Most of the time that's great when looking hindsight, but do we realize that what God wants is so much bigger than anything we can imagine. What looks so small to us can have an eternal weight of glory for His Kingdom.

Let's encourage each other when we are stuck to communicate with God and surrender to His will, no matter what that looks like. God has a "pass or fail" grade scale, Pass if we do it in communion with Him, Fail if we attempt to do it on our own. So if we feel stuck between faith and failure today, take time to pray and know that He is with us, that He loves us, and that He has a plan for us! I don't know about you, but I was just encouraged writing this! Be Blessed and know that you don't struggle alone.

It Must Be How It Feels

Last night I shared with some youth a message that felt more like a mess. It was one of those times where while I was speaking inside my head were all kinds of thoughts of failure. I push through those moments trusting God like a pastor should, but some times those moments can be so discouraging. I remember thinking "you're loosing them", "better come up with something crafty quick" and "Just give up after tonight". Now, I realize that my thoughts aren't always my own even though they can sound just like me. Yet, in the midst of the storm who takes time to try and figure out where the storm came from?

Funny thing was I was sharing about having doubts in our faith. We talked about Peter walking on water and seeing the waves. Looking back now I see that I was experiencing what I was preaching on while I was preaching on it. Peter began to sink at the sight of the crashing waves, I began to sink at the thought of losing control (as if I had it in the first place!).

In most of today's Church culture it is taboo to say you have doubts when it comes to your faith (or use the word taboo!). For someone to admit doubt is to admit failure in faith. Yet, I'm not convinced that there is a single person who doesn't doubt at some point in their faith. Look at the early disciples; Peter sank and denied, Thomas doubted, all the disciples worried and yet Jesus continued to encourage them to stay focused on Him.

So, I don't know that an absence of doubt is an absolute truth in our faith. I believe doubt and faith meet face to face all the time. We choose to believe the doubt and in turn start to sink. Just when we are about chin deep we are finally ready to call out to Jesus and His hand is always there to pull us out of our failure. We need to remember... Peter got out of the boat! Period! What looked to be failure was an awesome display of the fact that even when we are doing what God has called us to do (get out of the boat) we still need Him.

Back to last night. Afterwards to young ladies approached another youth leader who shared the message with me and told him how it had spoken deeply to them. They mentioned how they were encouraged to examine themselves and their lifestyles to allow God to speak to them. I would have never known that impact was made if I focused on how I "felt" about last night. Sometimes, when it feels like failure, we have to trust God by faith that He is in control and when we do that... well there is no such thing as failure!

Sharing the Struggle

I must start by saying I am my worst critic. I am also my worst enemy when it comes to what I can think about myself in some of my most darkest moments in ministry. Now, this blog might not be for the "super-spiritual" that deny that they ever feel like this. My life is far from perfect and my struggles can be the same as any other persons.

Funny thing is... I'm supposed to have all the right answers! As a matter of fact, in my head I do. I tell them to people everyday only to struggle around some of the very same faith issues myself. Boy, if the pastoral community knew who I was they might wonder if I even believe in God. So... Let me clarify really quickly

• I do believe in the True and Living God who came in the flesh as Jesus Christ
• I do believe in the power of the Holy Spirit
• I do believe in the Truth of God's word found in the Holy Bible
• And I do believe in the power and encouragement that comes through fellowship

By this blog I am not saying I don't believe in God or His Power, all I am saying is it isn't always easy to believe... even for a pastor. So, if you find yourself somewhere between faith and failure, pastor or not, I believe we may be able to help each other through some of our valleys. What do you say?