Spear of Saul

Have you ever wanted to pick up your offense and just throw it at someone? Every time the person's name comes up it's like a reminder of how much you want to see them pinned to the wall!

The story of Saul & David found in the latter chapters of 1st Samuel are an unbelievable tale of hurt, betrayal, faithfulness and mercy. When I try to place myself in this epic battle I am not always certain I know which part I play. Either way, I know this... today I want to throw my spear almost more than I ever have before...


Starting in about chapter 16 of 1st Samuel, we enter the account of how David, a small farm boy, enters the good graces of his King, Saul. As a young man, David defeats a giant warrior with a simple sling and stone. King Saul places David in the ranks of his army. David does so well in battle that the kings people chant his name higher than the king himself. One night while David is home from battle and in the kings court, Saul's jealousy evokes his rage. King Saul picks up his spear and hurls it at David with the hopes of pinning David to the wall. David barely escapes. After Saul's son Jonathan assures David that things are safe for him, David returns to Saul's court. A short time later Saul makes another attempt on David's life with a spear. David, fleeing the kingdom, finally gets the point... no pun intended.

While David is out living on the land, Saul continues to pursue him in order to take his life. What amazes me is David had the opportunity on more than one occasion to take Saul's life... and he doesn't. In all likelihood, if David would have taken Saul's life he would have take his crown and kingship on the spot. What a quick victory and assent to kingship that would have been for him. Yet, he remains faithful to his king even as Saul hunts for his life.

Like I said, I don't always know where I fall in this tale. I do know that today.... I feel like chucking some spears at someone I once held dear. As their rise to the top is celebrated with festivities and pats on the back, my heart burns with the pain of the truth. I guess the simple plaque I was given for my years of dedication is just salt in the wound too.

When I think about "dedication" I think of selfless sacrifice for the betterment of others. The spears I would love to throw would be labeled with all the falsehood of this persons "dedication". What are we really dedicated to anyway? In a Christian Ministry, dedication is only due to One... Christ Himself. Dedication to making money, promotion, and most of all appearance of self are things that make me want to puke. And yet, I hold my spear in my hand and try to remain a David.

I truly wish I didn't feel like this. I wish I could say "I'm a pastor and I don't deal with stuff like that"... but if you have read this blog, than you should know that I keep it real as far as what is going on inside my heart and mind at any given moment. I'm not saying it's right... it's just how I feel. How I feel is not who I am, but I still feel. So, there is still some work to be done in my heart over this person. Keep me in your prayers. If you don't know my name, than just pray for the author of "Between Faith & Failure". Thanks for listening... 

To my person...
If you ever stumble across this, I hope one day things are different