When It's Hard To Believe

I guess I feel ashamed. I feel disappointed. I feel empty, alone, and foolish. I wonder how many of you other pastors, ministers, or whoever experience the same thing. You know... That truth you say you believe but really don't. Am I alone in this? I mean, it's not like I don't want to believe, trust me I do! It's quite the opposite in fact, I want to believe so badly, but I don't. Is there something wrong with me? Is there something wrong with you? Why can't we be like that guy... you know the one... "I believe Jesus for anything and everything..." Is he serious? Don't misunderstand me, I love Christ. I can share His wonderful truths from the pulpit, in counseling, in conversation but when it comes to my own difficulties WHAT DO I DO WHEN IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE?

Throwing in the Towel

"Enough is enough! I quit! Time to throw in the towel because I am beat, battered and done! I can't take another blow!"

These thoughts and many like them have been racing through my mind today. I've had thoughts about drinking, drugs, and suicide. I am exhausted from the fight, I am swollen beyond being able to properly see and I just want to lay down. Why can't I quit? Why can't I just give in? Do I not have anyone in my corner willing to throw in the towel?

Is It All Really Worth It?

Ever feel like you just can't win? Like you can't please everyone all at once or anyone in just a moment? Those times when you just know that whatever is said, what ever is done it's just not going to meet someones expectations or description of what you they believe you should or shouldn't be doing.

As the frustration mounts the feeling of giving up, exploding, and just not wanting to deal with it anymore can be overwhelming I ask myself, "Is it all really worth it?"
 

The Big Let Down or The Big Lift Up

It's amazing how much you can pour into someone's life. Everything you are, everything you know, everything you possess you give away ever so freely... ever so lovingly. And yet, there comes that moment....

Someone else comes along... says the same things you do, does the same things you do and all of a sudden the person you have pour into deeply and intimately gets it. They Get It? And we are left with a decision "Let down, or Lift up"?

Torn

Some times I just hate ministry life. There seems to be a constant battle between my home and my calling. I know that I am called to be a child of God, a husband, a father and a minister. Now I know that people like to order those things, but sometimes the call lines get blurry depending on the leading of God.

Today I just want to give up on everything other than being a child of God. Sounds horrible doesn't it? Just looking at it now that I have typed it is ugly as it is. It seems that, for today anyway, I cannot do any of the previous callings adequately to the pleasing of those involved. Maybe that's my problem in this moment... trying to please everyone... but God.

It doesn't feel real well when getting torn between your heart and mind. My heart wants to go one way and yet my mind another. Neither are good or bad per say, just going in different directions and I feel stuck in the center being torn by things I love.

No real grand biblical truth today. I am just struggling on the failure side of my somewhere. Maybe you can help me today. Have you ever just wanted to give up? To give in? Than maybe you have something for this pastor to help him in his struggle.