The Narcissist in Me

My life has completely crumbled right before my very eyes. Over the last several weeks I have never been so close to drinking my self into oblivion. The attack always seems to start at home, with those you love the most, with those you are closest to. A couple of weeks ago, my wife told me she wanted a separation. She Google diagnosed me as a narcissist with several very telling links. My wife who has her Bachelor's in Psychology. It didn't piss me off that she was wrong, it pissed me off that she was right! So I told a dear friend of mine about this and he gave me some solid advice; "Look at the man in the mirror."

Some People Just Can't Understand

People ask me all the time "how are you doing" or "tell me what's wrong". They just don't get that I can't because it's as complicated to explain as the picture to the left. Depression and the "whys" of it aren't a simple matter for those that are seriously clinically depressed. There are so many contributing factors large and small that, at times, I don't even know where to begin when someone asks me what's wrong. So how do I let someone in my head?

Fairweather & StormChasers

You can learn a lot from the coming of a storm. Living where I do I watch them on the horizon all the time, it's kind of beautiful... until they hit. The storms of life have taught me a lot too. Mostly they have taught me the difference between fairweather friends and stormchaser friends. Funny thing is you can never really tell which is which until the storm is upon you and really causing havoc. For a pastor, I found I had a lot of fairweather friends. But there was a surprise in the midst of my storm.

The Fatal Decision

I ever wonder if anyone that I talk to or minister to or try to help ever think about what might be going through my mind at any given moment. Of course not, but by those who know me best I am called the selfish, self-centered, and egotistical one. I really just wish I could get my brain to shut up for five fricking minutes. The only time my brain is quiet is when I play video games. The rest of the day it is a constant battle between the lies and the truth and the battle is wearing thin. But, good old pastor, good old dad, a good old husband has to but on his smiley face and act like he is loving the world. Nobody understands.