"Love her as Hosea loved his wife."
Those were the words I heard the day I was given the worst news I have every received. This news devastated me, it wrecked my whole world, and decimated my faith and everything I thought I believed. Worst part of it all, I was the instrument of my own demise. Those six words I KNOW the Lord spoke to me on December 23 2018 has been the most painful and challenging declaration the Lord has ever spoken over me. How? How can I do this? It's too painful Lord! I begged... HOW?
I have been addicted to drugs and experienced withdraw, I have been homeless at times with no where to rest my head, I have been hunted and sought by men who wanted to harm me, I have been arrested for and convicted for crimes I committed and sentenced to prison. I have been in the company of hundreds of men and felt utterly alone. I know what it is to go hungry. I know what it is to be forsaken. And yet, even through all of that, I was able to see what the Lord was doing.
December 23rd 2018 my wife of 10 years came home and sat me down to tell me something. She told me she had been unfaithful. Now, our marriage was on the lingering edge and toppling fast, but I never expected this. I remember that my instant feeling was compassion. I felt forgiveness. I knew it was the Lord. Don't get me wrong I was crushed. But I knew a God that could do anything! Including fix this. I looked my beautiful wife in the eyes and said we would get through this... God would get us through.
Later that night, I went out into the front yard to have it out with God. The weight of what had happened was beginning to hit me. How? Why this? I thought my marriage was "safe" and yet my wife felt our marriage was over. In the yard that night I let out on God. Why was this happening to me? Didn't I spend the last decade serving Him? I had ministries fail, friendships fail, finances fail... and now, the one thing I held in such high regard as though nothing could tough... was touched! I don't remember much of what I said to God that night. None of that probably even matters. All I do remember is those seven words "Love her as Hosea loved his wife". I didn't even know Hosea's story all that well. What did it mean?
After some research and reading I found that Hosea chose Gomer, no matter her flaws. He loved her. At some point she went back to her lovers. But what did Hosea do? How did he feel about that? What kind of emotions did he experience? I don't know because the Bible doesn't say. I can tell you what I have felt. Anger, grief, sadness, inadequacy, unwanted, hopelessness, the list could go on. Did he try and communicate with Gomer? Did he try to win her back? Did he try to convince her of his love for her? I don't know because the Bible doesn't say, but I've tried only to have my hope snatched from me.
At some point I would imagine Hosea put up some boundaries. The Bible tells us that Gomer was left to her lovers and how she credited them for all the "assistance" they were providing her, and yet it was really the Lord providing those things trying to get her attention. Eventually He withdrew those blessings to leave her barren. She comes to the realization she must return to her husband Hosea. The Lord speaks to Hosea and he goes and buys her back! No longer does she belong to her slave masters but to her Husband. What a beautiful ending.
Many months later and on the verge of divorce, I am standing in my kitchen (living separately from my wife) and God's word to me still had not changed. I cried out to God and said "I can't do it! I can't love her like Hosea loved Gomer! It's too painful!" Then the Lord spoke something to me... He said "I know son, your Gomer". The weight of that moment was unbelievable. It was no longer about what had been done to me, but about what I have been doing to God. The Story of Hosea wasn't just about him, but the people of God. Jesus loved (s) me even at my worst, even when I am choosing other things than him, even when I am unfaithful.
At this moment in time 11/3/20 I have drawn some boundaries with my wife as she is still in a relationship with another man. I have told her she needs to choose. I am not sure if this is "Hosea" like or not, but I have come to the point where I know I have to choose Jesus even after he has chosen me. I have chosen my wife even through all the pain I caused her and the pain she has caused me. Gomer came to the point where she chose Hosea. I believe that when a man and a woman get married they choose each other for ever... no matter what. Things can get bad, but God can always work a miracle if both parties choose. I believe God indeed chose us and chose us before we ever chose Him... but we have to choose Him. I have to choose Love, I have to choose God, and I have to choose my wife beyond any pain or pleasure. But Hosea didn't make Gomer choose... God orchestrated circumstances to bring Gomer to the end of her pleasures and sin. God has and continues to do that with me. Will He do that with my Gomer? I pray so. My only question is... How did Hosea do it? How did he endure until God said Gomer was ready?
