Confession: I am a Depressed Pastor

I'm a pastor and I battle depression... the worst kind of depression. Sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. What's the point? We are supposed to be in the profession of helping people and it seems like there is a never-ending line of need. And that's not even the worst part, at least in my area us pastors can put on a good face of 'cooperation" but we really work in competition with one another trying to have the bigger and better programs then the church down the street.
I have been in ministry for over ten years now and I have had some really great and life changing experiences;  things I will never forget. I have also experienced some of the most painful hurt imaginable by the church. Superficial relationships, favoritism, criticism, judgmentalism, and the worst of all and the only way I can explain it is The spirit of Jezebel, or the subtle yet hostile takeover of a church.
Reflecting back, here is what made these times really hard; lack of support. We talk a lot in Christianity about being there for one another... but let's be honest, the majority of churches are word not deed. I was a pastor on staff with three other pastors and we should have been bound together so tightly that the demons in hell had no chance, but we weren't. Some were chasing dreams of grandeur, others were too self-important, one was too new, and then there was me the lost and lonely sheep needing his shepherd. Our nucleus fell apart.
Since then I have tried to stay on my "spiritual feet" sotosay. It has not been an easy journey. I have questioned everything about my calling and even my faith. I just don't understand God sometimes... okay, most of the time! Things felt so right back then. There was purpose.
 Today I am faced with uncertainty. I have an unstable job that could end very soon. I may have to begin raising my own funds, which has failed for me in the past. And people keep saying all the cliche things that I would tell others; "God has a plan"  "If God led you to it He will see you through it", "He is your provider". And I want to believe those things.... I do. I just don't know if I can.

Lastly, and the scariest part of all, if this last endeavor doesn't work out I feel like I am going to give up on ministry altogether. I don't know what that means for me and God right now, but for me and helping others... I will be officially done. I will be done with Church. I will be done with the whole facade that is Christianity. I am a depressed Pastor.