Brokenness

"And some of us have found that there is no prayer that God is so swift to answer as the prayer that He might break us."

~Roy Hession

In ministry, it is so easy to get caught in the flow of things, yet in the course of changing currents, we can want something so badly that we move out of the flow and into the strain of forcefulness. By the time we realize how far we have swam from the stream it is usually too late. Finding ourselves on our knees wondering how things have gotten the way they are, we pray that prayer we dread and love all at once.

"Lord, Break Me...!"

Discipleship Clutch

Really??? Can't we work together? Why must denominational boundaries go up like drawbridges over moats in mid-evil times? Whether it is churches, para-church ministries, leaders, or followers; unity of mission seems to be an impossibility in modern Americanized Christianity today.

When are we going to put our plans down? Our egos down? Our walls down? When will we see that the "moat" to the Kingdom of God has been opened for us to enter HIS KINGDOM and forsake ours?!

Projected Pain

Hurt people, hurt people. Sad but true. When it comes to pain you either experience a lot or a little, you give or receive. Yet, it is all in how we learn to deal with our pain that determines the collateral damage.

The Darkside of projection can sway even the most noblest of Jedi into the coldest Sith lord. If our pain bleaks our emotions and controls our decisions making process we become the heavy iron handed tyrant looking to conquer kingdoms. In the saga, Darth Vader was simply a hurt person who projected his hurt on others. Do you ever side with Vader?

I've Become the Older Brother!

See Me in the back...

Yup, that's me... in the back, arms at my side not believing what I am seeing! After all he did. After all he squandered. After leaving his responsibilities. After leaving his family and he is welcomed back with loving arms and a feast! I have been the one doing the work! When it comes to our successes I have stood with you. In our failures I stood by your side. Father what are you doing!

Sadly, that was my heart last night. I saw a transaction between a mentor and a friend...a brother. The mentor's love for this brother was so true and genuine. I didn't even know the entire context of the the transaction, but it filled my heart with jealousy, hurt, and anger. I knew this was a dark spot, the devil's playground, but I could not help the feelings. It was all so overwhelming.

I came home and told my wife how I was feeling. "Its like the story of the father welcoming his son home" she said to me. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks! God had placed His finger on a place in my heart that needed healing.

 I had become the older brother! 

I have always been the prodigal and never the older brother. Now I am getting a good dose of some sour medicine. Last night was a God inspired, ego checking, repentance required moment. I hear the words of the father to the older son in new light this morning because I hear them being spoken to me...

   "All this time his older son was out in the field. When the day's work was done he came in. As he approached the house, he heard the music and dancing. Calling over one of the houseboys, he asked what was going on. He told him, 'Your brother came home. Your father has ordered a feast—barbecued beef!—because he has him home safe and sound. The older brother stalked off in an angry sulk and refused to join in. His father came out and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't listen. The son said, 'Look how many years I've stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends? Then this son of yours who has thrown away your money on whores shows up and you go all out with a feast! His father said, 'Son, you don't understand. You're with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours—but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he's alive! He was lost, and he's found!" ~Luke 15:25-32 (Msg.)

The contents and context doesn't match last nights circumstance exactly, but the condition of my heart and the older brothers heart match to the tee. Glad to say that God would not allow my heart to stay in that condition. Using my wife, He was able to put His loving finger on a spot in my heart I was too blind to see. The words of the father "you're with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours" has a new ring to it when it comes to my mentor and to my Heavenly Father. I guess realizing you are in this spot and repenting is a whole lot better that realizing and revolting.