Someone else comes along... says the same things you do, does the same things you do and all of a sudden the person you have pour into deeply and intimately gets it. They Get It? And we are left with a decision "Let down, or Lift up"?
Tonight was that night for me. Spending so much time with lives I deeply and passionately care about seems to be crushed in a matter of days, hours, and moments of emotional exchanges, crafted messages and well played songs.
Conferences, concerts, camps. Big shows with big draws where game changing moments come with high impact. People flock to these events in search of an experience with an Experiential God. Hearts are filled and renewed with a power that seems to have been drained from lives living in a draining world. The songs are played, the message delivered, and the call to action given, yet to the discipler it seems all to familiar. We've been here, we've done this, nothing has changed by the venue and the participants. So what's so different?
Here I sit, facing this very issue tonight. I took a group of people to a HUGE event and yet it was nothing new in content. The message of the Gospel is the same and yet so much more surrender, so much more effectiveness (or so it seems). Maybe people are just more open out of their comfort zones, maybe people get tired of the same face and the same voice, maybe it's just me. And yet, maybe it's not important.
Sulking in the feelings of epic failure, of huge let down, I've tortured myself over the last few hours with all the unanswerable questions as to why. And I am left at a crossroad... Do I take the BIG LET DOWN, or do I give the BIG LIFT UP?
I guess my issue is really with "me". I wanted it to be me. I wanted God to use me. I wanted to be the center of spiritual attention and in His normal fashion God removed me from "me" and allowed me to witness what He is doing. How could I be so selfish as to think "I" must be the one? Are these not His children seeking His face, His power, His redemption?
Tonight I decided that the last few days were not about me. These last few moments were about a God who shows up beyond how we expect Him to do so. These lasting memories are to be treasured as I have watched brothers and sisters finally respond to the wonderful news that Christ our Savior has died for them and lives in them! At best I am a witness to that work and am honored to be that no matter how much my feelings try to tell me different. Somewhere between faith and failure I may find myself, but somewhere between love and grace is where Christ holds me.
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