Is It All Really Worth It?

Ever feel like you just can't win? Like you can't please everyone all at once or anyone in just a moment? Those times when you just know that whatever is said, what ever is done it's just not going to meet someones expectations or description of what you they believe you should or shouldn't be doing.

As the frustration mounts the feeling of giving up, exploding, and just not wanting to deal with it anymore can be overwhelming I ask myself, "Is it all really worth it?"
 

Having said that, I'm not trying to sound like a people pleaser, but somethings got to give. My main struggle is people who don't think I work for a living because I'm a pastor. I get those sly passive aggressive comments like "I worked all day, what did you do?" or "must be nice to hang out with teenagers, play games, and go on trips." I must admit, my position is really awesome! But hardly anyone takes into account the spiritual responsibility, sacrifice, and heartbreak that comes with being in ministry.

Spiritual Responsibility: As much as ministry can seem exciting and fun at times, those on the outside do not understand that it's all for a very determined purpose... The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Every event isn't a party, every trip isn't a vacation, every lunch isn't a hang out. As a pastor, these are all engagements that further the Kingdom of God. These are opportunities to reach people outside of the "church" element which most are growing weary of. I have heard the word "responsibility" broken down like this... Our "response" to God's "ability". God is more than able to reach people outside of the four walls of the church. As a matter of fact, at times it appears that is where He is far more active because people are far more responsive.

Sacrifice: First there are the sacrifices that are made. Discipleship isn't a 9-5. Very few take into account the major sacrifices that take place in the lives and families of those in ministry. Long hours for part-time pay (or no pay), late night phone calls or car rides, days or weeks away from family. Then there are the sacrifice that need to be made. These are the same as the above, but only from the other side of the street.... the family side. For a person in ministry, families are some of the least excepting of the call to ministry. An unbalanced sacrificial life can either tear you from your family, or tear you from God.

Heartbreak: This is the place most, if not all, outside the walls of ministry don't get. Along with all of the great experiences comes the heartbreak of watching people have the gospel presented to them and turn it away. Having people proclaim change, but never seeing the fruit in their lives. Watching as addictions and bondages hold people tighter and tighter with each day. Being lead of the Lord to deliver a strong message, yet walking way unconvinced that it touched even one heart.

What all, even those closest to them, don't see in the minister's life is the depression. The depression from missing opportunities for the spiritual ability to respond to God's work, the depression from believing you are sacrificing too little or too much, and the depression from all of the heartbreak that comes from what seems like a never ending waste of words.

Nothing makes this worse than having family and friends pile on the guilt and shame by pointing out all they believe is wrong with what you are doing. This seems to be a constant struggle in this pastor's relationships both family and friend. Sometimes I find myself asking "Is it all really worth it?" Could I save myself the struggle by going and working in a gas station somewhere? Could I make life easier for me by working a 9-5 and just not caring about others, sacrificing for others, or being willing to hurt for others? Is it really all worth it?

Some days I believe it is, other days I'm not so sure about.