'At Ah Boy

You know it's amazing at what a person will pat you on the back for. As a pastor "At Ah Boys" can be oh so dangerous. Let's face it... we like, no... we love the "At Ah Boy". What makes it so dangerous is we believe we are important when we get them and a failure when we don't. Some people will "At Ah Boy" you one minute and "Oh That Boy!" you the next.
Being honest, I like the "At Ah Boy" just as much as the next guy, but where I consistently fail is I let the amount of "At Ah Boys" take stock in the bank of my self-worth. When I am rich I am prideful and when I am poor I become depressed. This fluctuates like gas prices in the last five years! The detrimental toll this process has taken on my mind, body and emotions is a causality I am no longer willing to afford.

As a pastor I have gotten "At Ah Boys" for a variety of different sermons, decisions, social stands, rebukes, reconciliations, excommunications, you name it and I bet a pastor has been patted on the back for it. Yet, one of the worst "At Ah Boys" I have ever gotten begun a stirring in me that has shaped my ability to humble myself. It all started with death.

Some time ago I was asked to do a funeral for a dear friend. Going to this funeral I knew I would run into people I haven't seen in close to ten years. Most of these people had no I had become a pastor. Before the service I had people telling me that they had heard I was doing well and they were glad for me. Then came time for the service and I went up and introduced myself as Pastor @#$#$#@  @$#@$@. Many were shocked, in a good way. I went on in the memorial service barely able to speak at times due to the fact this was a very dear friend. When the service came to a close there wasn't a dry eye in the house, including mine. Yet, deep down inside I felt like a pure failure.

At the reception, people were flooding me with comments on how well I did. At first it was nice, but the more compliments I got the more my heart sank. Here I was at the wake of a close family friend. People were hurting all around, including me, and I was getting my fix of "At Ah Boys". This is sick, right? As the moments went on I began to feel more important, more significant, more secure. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. My friend was dead. The way I felt inside about the "At Ah Boys" made me mad. In the middle of my sorrow, like a leech, I was sucking my worth from my performance. Here in lies the danger.

Theologically I know the right answers to Security and Significance in Christ, but with my guard down a simple pat on the back can feel like hitting the lotto. I am glad that God used me to touch so many hearts that day, but let's make no mistake... it wasn't because of me or anything I put together. I am what I am today because Christ had mercy on me and extended His grace to such a wretch. The glory goes to God because the work done in my life and the words from my mouth are His and His alone. Anything I have to add is failure at it's best.