Family Failure

It really seems that a "prophet isn't welcome in his hometown". I can speak to so many about the Gospel and Jesus, but when it comes to the struggles of my family members it seems I am most ineffective. My mom is a non-practicing Episcopalian, my sister a Unitarian, and I almost certain my brother is agnostic. With my mother it's a "personal" thing. With my sister it's an "open" thing. And with my brother it's just a thing. I know all the "right things" to say to each of them, but it is never received how I thought it sounded.

My ineffectiveness has moved to knew levels. My brother is in jail. All he asks is that I write him. I have no good excuses, I just tell myself "I'll do it tomorrow". I know what it feels like to be in jail, to not have anyone write you. When it comes to my own brother it "feels" like the pen is 100 pounds. I guess, for me it seems, I'm still the big brother that always beat him up. Now, I'm not sure which one of us that effects most.

I also have a nephew who comes from a broken home. It is almost the same home atmosphere I had growing up. He is dealing with so many issues. I struggle with the fact that we don't connect more. I know what he is looking for, the same thing I was... a father figure and I'm not sure I can give him that due to the fact we are so disconnected. But I have to try, right?

And in the midst of all of this... I am a Pastor. A pastor that can be used of God to deliver a dynamic message, counsel people who are struggling and teach a plethora of studies and programs. Yet, in the light of my family it seems that so much tension, ineffectiveness, and discouragement is at play.

Now I don't want to make this out like it is my families fault. I know that I hold an equal, if not larger share in the spiritual disconnect. Giving an honest evaluation of my motives and insecurities I tell you that my motives are wrong in that I want to "prove" something to them by revealing some great truth in their life. My insecurity is always that they will reject not just what I am telling them, but reject me. Most of the time my insecurities out weigh my motives pure or impure and I guess there in lies the problem.