Failing at the Finish Line

Who is this staring back at me?

Today I face yet another failure. This failure plagues me from time to time and has the capacity to really ruin my ability to feel worthy. What is so sad about this particular failure is that I see the crash before it happens and yet I continue at full speed.

You would think that with the extent that I deal with feelings of failure in my life I would have more compassion on the failures of others, right? Sadly I don't feel I do. I was just speaking with a friend who has a similar failure in their life and I remember think to myself "This guy can't be for real!" Yet when I face the mirror of my own failure I am distraught with a sense of guilt and a hunger for God's forgiveness. While talking with my friend I also remember thinking "how didn't you see that coming?" And yet I see my failure clearly and continue. After today's epic failure, God got a hold of my heart. Here I couldn't believe that my friend could be so deceived and manipulated into failure (by another person no less). Holding my judgment upon him, I walk knowingly right into my area of weakness and fail miserably... deceived and manipulated by none other than I.

So where does this leave me tonight? Well, I'm not going to hell... that's for sure! I am brokenhearted over my failure, over my sin. I am brokenhearted because after all the preaching, teaching, and counseling on knowful, willful, and purposeful sin... I fall prey yet again. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I wanted to willfully sin against my loving God and against others, but what I did want is "MY" satisfaction. I wanted "My Way" for just a couple of moments. I wanted to be "In Control". Well, I guess in essence, I wanted sin. I was deceived by my two worst enemies... Satan and Myself. I was deceived because I believed what brought me failure was going to bring success. I know better than that... now I look in the mirror and hurt.

 

The video goes to show that even when you think you have the victory, don't be so ignorant of the race still being run even when the end is near. I watched this and thought with each "epic failure" like the one I experienced today, it has always been when I think I have it beat. Imagine what that racer must have felt like when he went home and looked himself in the mirror. Maybe he couldn't! Second place feels like last when you royally mess up first.

Did you notice Mr. Epic Fail picked up his bike and finished the race? That really got my attention. I might have been so mad with myself I would have walked off the track and found somewhere to hang my head. I wanted to do that with today's failure, but I didn't. I remembered I am in the race to finish... failures and all. God's word says that "while we were helpless, Christ died for the ungodly" (Romans 5:6) and "God demonstrated His love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us" (5:8). Maybe I am not out of the woods yet in some of my struggles. Maybe God has a process I have not yet yielded or availed myself too. A couple things I do know is that sometimes I do what I hate even when I want to do what is good. Sometimes the presence of doing good is in me, but the willing I do not do. Who will save a wretched man like me?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin. (Romans 7:25) Praise God for the beginning of chapter 8...

 

"Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death"

Rubbernecking

Driving down the road the other day I saw red and blue flashing lights. I thought to myself "wonder what happened here?" Trying to drive stick shift, talking to my wife on the cell phone I began to rubberneck only to see some poor schmoe pulled over getting a ticket.

As I drove away, quite craftily if I do say so myself, God spoke right to my heart. Accidents happen when we are gawking at the misfortune of others. You know, you have been on the highway when there is an accident and everyone is slowing down to see. If you are anything like me, you scream and yell (in your head of course) at all the idiots for slowing down and causing a traffic jam over getting a peek at the carnage. Well, that is until you get there and have to get your chance to peek! Has that ever backfired on you? Have you ever been rear ended, rear end someone or worse while rubbernecking?

I did a little research on rubbernecking. On just about every site I went to with a "Top 10 Reasons for Auto Accidents", rubbernecking was always number four. Click on the link, it is  Google search results and see for yourself. It is amazing that when doing something as serious and dangerous as driving a car, with the potential for harming ourselves and others, we risk for an eye full of someone else's wreckage! Imagine That!!!

So how about our lives? I know I am guilty of "spiritual rubbernecking". Oh... you don't know what that is? I will gladly explain. Spiritual Rubbernecking is when we are going on our marry little way in life and "pass-by" someone experiencing wreckage. Oh, we look, we gawk, we talk, we tisk, and we shake our heads... "That won't ever be me!" That is until we crash into what was right in front of us!

Luke 6:39-42

"39 And He also spoke a parable to them: "A blind man cannot guide a blind man, can he? Will they not both fall into a pit?40 A pupil is not above his teacher; but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher.41 Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?42 Or how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye."

We get so caught up with all the wreckage in the lives of others (as observers non the less!) that we are not concerned with what is in front of us. As we gawk at those experiencing the carnage of live, we are setting ourselves up for a little carnage! Look, if you are interested in the wreckage of others.... "Stop, get out of the car, and see what you can do to help" (and that is help, not police). If we can't be committed to that, Keep your eyes on your own road and focus on what's in front of you! IJS 

House of Complexities

I have never felt so intimidated as a pastor and a public speaker than the last few times I spoke. Whether it is social issues or words of faith it really seems like any which way I go, any stand I decide to take, and any position I place myself in... someone is always right there to back me in a corner or push me through a trap door. As the saying goes, "Can't please everybody"!
I am learning that public speaking in any forum is a cesspool of twisted words, argumentative debates and just brutal attacks from people who disagree. It can be pretty disheartening because out of all the "good" comments it's always the one bad comment that ruins my day. Soon I find myself trying to maneuver through a house of complexities trying to figure which way is up, which way is down and who did I upset this time with my average theology?

I have had a handful of wonderful mentors in my life and faith walk. Men of God who, by the best of their knowledge and ability, shaped and steered my young life. Not all of these men saw eye to eye on everything. Chances are that if I had them all in one room at the same time there might have been an all out brawl! So being shaped by such a variety of teaching personalities and perspectives has it's advantages, but also it's disadvantages.Having more than one of these men in the room at the same time while speaking can take it's toll on me mentally, physically, and spiritually.

I don't want to have to dance around the house of complexities when I speak! I want to speak the message God has placed on my heart through the scripture He has opened up to me. I want those who have discipled me to recognize the faith, hope and love that comes through my messages whether or not I use the same terminology as they do or the same theology as they do. I have come to believe things to be true by the Spirit of God, not by the influence of man alone. Yet, I find I dance all the same.

 Galatians 1:10

"For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ."

Just a failure to communicate I guess. I am growing out of it. The more the Lord pricks my heart about "tailor-made" messages, the more I want to preach the word of God as He reveals it and as He leads. Failure is doing things for other peoples approval, success is doing thing as God leads no matter who is sitting in the room. I know I don't have it all right... and I am beginning to be come concerned for those who think they do!

Comfortable Grace

Let me start by saying that I can't believe it has gotten to this point. I do not believe in "Cheap Grace", "Greasy Grace", or any other "Grace" that was not bought and paid for by Christ Himself. Having said that, we are in dangerous times because the message of God's Grace is headed on a dangerous course. (I can't believe I just typed that!) Let's see if I can get through this blog without "dissing grace" and staying true to the forefront of our call as disciples who are daily in need of God's expensive grace found in Christ Jesus Our Lord.

Let me share with you a few statements I have come across in the last month or so...

1. There is no need for surrender because we are "in Christ"
2. We don't need Pastors, teachers, or leaders to instruct us
3. You can't take the Bible literally, especially Adam and Eve
4. You need "special grace revelation" to really understand this message
5. Put down your bible and "trust" God's voice 
6. Jesus' words are Old Testament and therefore don't apply any longer 

There are many more thought patterns out there that have the semblance of truth and that are catchy enough to steer those not founded, sounded, and grounded in the word astray. Remembering that a half truth is a whole lie, we need to get back to the word of God (in context) and really measure the message of God's Grace that has flooded our churches today.

Paul knew much about having to keep doctrine in check. There isn't a better example than his letters to Timothy. Listen to 2nd Timothy 4:3-4

"For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from  the truth and turn aside to myths."  

Paul, dealing with the influx of Greek culture into the church, had to make sure that sound doctrine was being taught. There were those using the Law unlawfully and there were those taking advantage of new believers and women believers. False teachers were rising and not flat out denying Christ but minimizing Him. Now this is a farcry from where the message is today, but I want you to understand that there were those who were "doctoring the doctrine".

Let's face it... there are people leaving Churches in droves. Today's culture has become resistant to the entire message of God's word. God's unfailing Grace, though a HUGE part... is just that, a part. Jesus had a Kingdom message that dealt with many varying and sometimes contradictory (by appearance and not truth) elements. So, are people leaving because they are being "set free" as they claim, or because they are being deceived into believing a gospel that is a bit more comfortable, convenient, and compelling to them? 

I have heard those who have "come to understand the grace message" talk so ill of those who still attend church. The "grace-ones" make me laugh sometimes because they say they don't want to go to church yet meet in homes all over the place. They say the don't want to be under pastors, but they follow the thoughts, books, cds, dvds, and speaking events of Grace ministers. So it does sound as if that could qualify as "to suit their own desires they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what will tickle their ears."

I was told that Christianity isn't about morals, it's about Christ. Well, Duh! But let me flip that for you, If you know Christ will you have morals? And will those morals be important to you? Can you say you know Christ and not have morals? Can you say that you know him and despise the people of God found in the institutional church? Can you say you know Christ only to live for yourself, keeping your faith "personal" and stagnant? "It's not about doing, it's about being"... I get that more that you know! But don't forget this one "I do because of who I am". The message of God's Grace does not produce spiritual laziness! It does produce Spiritual Life, and that life is not for us to keep but to give away. (not that it ever runs out in us!!!) 

I am not saying the institutional church has it all together by far. There are legitimate hurts that take place due to abuse of power, legalism, lasciviousness, licensism, and flat out bad doctrine or no doctrine at all! You may think I'm some kind of wack job, but God's word tells us that we are to live separate lives, holy lives, moral lives... but the key in all this is HIS GRACE. We can't even begin to BE any of the above without the expensive, costly, extravagant, extraordinary, abounding GRACE.

So, before you believe the lie that you have been set free from a standard of living that is above reproach, an authentic involvement in a church body, the Shepardship of a Pastor, the call of discipleship, and a flat out laying down of your life, your ways and your ideas for HIS....

Stop listening to those voices, and pick up your BIBLE  

Test everything by the word of God and you cannot go wrong.

God's Grace Cannot be Cheap or it ceases to be God's Grace

Appearances Can Be Deceiving

Today is Easter Sunday, Resurrection Sunday. I sat in Church today and listened to a dear friend of mine give the sermon. My mind was filled with so much that I am amazed that I even heard anything. Yet, I did. My dear friend went over some scripture I am quite familiar with but heard brand new today. God's word is so alive! Here is the scripture he spoke of...
Romans 3: 23-25
23 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.24 Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.25 For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past,26 for he was looking ahead and including them in what he would do in this present time. God did this to demonstrate his righteousness, for he himself is fair and just, and he declares sinners to be right in his sight when they believe in Jesus.

It dawned on me that I have heard this first verse pounded into Christian thinking and I haven't ever really heard to many people keep it in the context of the following verses. It's as if we use verse 23 for an excuse when we sin or a condemnation when others sin. But this morning, this Easter Morning, this Resurrection Day Morning the following verses fell in line for what appeared to be the first time!

Yes we have all sinned, fallen short, and failed God's glorious standard, but the Gospel, the Good News isn't about us! It's about Him! YET GOD declares! Let those words sink into your physical, spiritual, emotional and moral failure for just a moment. "Yet God declares..." something big is coming.... THAT WE ARE RIGHTEOUS. It was done through Christ and not through any of our efforts of trying not to fail God. Jesus was presented before God as the sacrifice. We are DECLARED righteous because HE said so... well, because He is God. 

The appearance of  our failures can bring about many doubts and troubles. Insecurity and insignificance can creep in like a snake as the cloud of failure looms. But we need to remember that it's not about what we say, it's not about what others say, it's not about what the appearance of our failure is. It's all about Christ's victory on the cross,though we were undeserving, God's kindness DECLARES.


Look at what we celebrate today. Remember the pathway to the open tomb was marked by suffering, shame, brutality, accusation, betrayal, hatred, lies, and the appearance of failure. I think Mel Gibson displayed it best in The Passion of the Christ when Jesus let out His last breath it was like Satan instantly knew he had been defeated. The whole time thinking he was accomplishing something only to find in the end what looked like Jesus failure was actually His Victory.  Appearances can be deceiving.

Family vs. Minstry Conflict

I though it was supposed to be simple. Maybe that's what I get for thinking! I feel like that last string is going to break and I am going to lose... either way.
I remember the day I got ordained, One of things I was told to do was to put three things in order.

#1 God

#2 Family

#3 Ministry

So I said I would put them in that order and keep them in that order. Now years down the road I feel like it is backwards at times. Maybe it is and I'm not willing to admit it openly. The frustration is exhausting. 

I think of the words of the Apostle Paul when he encouraged disciples to stay single like him if they could. Really Paul??? Now I wonder if I'm even fit for the ministry because of the stress it causes on my family. Should family men be "part-timers"? I don't have it in me to be a "part-timer", but I can't be a "full-timer" either. And so I'm torn most of the times between three things I love.

God- I know I don't spend the quality time with God that I need to. I have lots of excuse and all of the revolve around family and ministry. If it isn't one it's the other volleying for my time. So where do I fit God into? Sadly enough, the likeliest reason I am even in this predicament is because of my lack of quality fellowship the God. I'm a Pastor, I should know better... right? I wonder how many of you struggle with this too?

Family- I don't get enough time with my family and that is for sure. Between working a part time job and doing ministry I am always off and running. My wife and I continue to find this a sore spot in our marriage. At times her pain over my lack of presence can make me feel like a horrible husband and father... then again... maybe I am. Yet, what part of sacrifice for the Gospel is missing here? I heard Billy Graham's daughter talk about how he was always gone, yet he was out doing what God called him to do. I feel stunted in ministry due to this. Is that wrong? Paul's concern for those who would marry was plain in that the cares of this world would always be an issue. So, where does that leave me?

Ministry- The only thing I am gifted at. The one thing that is interrupting everything else. The more opportunities that come that I can't do makes me feel like I am missing out on God's calling for my life. How can great things be done in and for the Kingdom of God if I am always hesitant about time constraints? Being active in the lives of others for the Kingdom is where my heart is at...but it is tearing my family apart.

So, let's just get "all the right answers" out of the way. I know that nothing should be replacing my time with the Father, but it is. I know that I love my family and don't want anything to come between us, but it is. I am re-created to be invested in ministry with a gifting that is beyond anything I can just do "part-time', but I am. My struggle lies between two things I desperately love...plus lacking communication with the One who loves me. I already know my "right answer"... Time with God #1, Family is ministry, and opportunities come and go... this is just my struggle. Keeping the order right isn't as easy as I thought it would be. How's it working for you?     

The Business of Ministry?

What are you selling? What are you marketing? 3 year plan? 5 year plan? 10 year plan? What is the rate of return? As an investor, what am I getting for my dollar? We need a strategy! How can we make what we do look more appealing to the public? We should look more professional. It's time we did some professional training for our staff, on their dime and time. We should only invest in staff that are going to be committed to this organization only....etc


What has happened in ministry that we have felt the need to go corporate? Must we assimilate our ways to the ways of this world? Statements like the ones above and many like them are the on-slot of a worldly hostile take over in ministry today. Ministry Organizations have been pushed into the corner by fear and man handled by "the powers that be" to do ministry in a "safer" way, a more "organized" way, a more "professional" way. Sadly, those making these pushes very rarely have their hands dirty in ministry. Power, Politics, and Popularity has become the driving source of well meaning ministries all over our nation. For a believer, a follower, a Christ One, it goes without saying.... You can only have one source.

I was involved in a hostile take over once. A dear friend, mentor and boss grew ill rather rapidly. He could no longer Shepard over the ministry. The board of directors stepped in "with the best intentions" (true, some of them had... some) and asked this man to step down. When faced with this my friend, mentor, and boss did so. The next couple of years was like watching piranha. You might think that the biggest shark wins, but not this time... it was the smartest shark that won. This person along with the board of directors turned a God ordained ministry into a "board ran, small business" ministry. Many of the board and staff through that process resigned and the hostile take over was complete.

Now I want to mention that I myself was duped. The next "boss" was also a close friend of mine, at least for a while. I watched this person become someone I no longer knew. Once a God fearing person whose insecurities deepened their faith in God turned into a corporate monster that demanded excellence among those who were once peers, now only subordinates. This person told me early on "I cannot be your friend and your boss." Needless to say you know which one the person chose.

There are two kinds of leaders, there are those who are loved and there are those who are feared. Leaders who rule out of fear rule because they are afraid. Leaders who rule out of love rule because they know that they are loved by LOVE Himself. My friend, mentor, boss could be all of those things because he loved and knew he was loved by God. He never made me choose which one he needed to be in my life and he never made me choose between him and anyone else that was invested in my life. Love and encouragement flowed freely from him and therefore when it came time for him to be Boss... I respected that and he didn't have to ask for it. The demands of a fear-laden leaders will get results, but destroy followers. It's sad that we have lost sight of this in some areas of ministry today.

When the focus of ministry becomes some "product" you are selling the waters get real murky. Results based ministry will always have a surface level of grade A performance but deep down will be consistently superficial. With profit gains and budget agendas, new project launches and community networking, from results based motivations and performance based partnerships... "Corporate Ministry" just becomes another cesspool of politically correct identity theft clawing away at Who You Are In Christ and why you were chosen for ministry in the first place. And Where does Jesus fit in during all this? Oh, we prayed in His name at the beginning of our business meeting this month... that's right. 

Maybe you are in ministry and have experienced this, maybe you haven't, and maybe you will soon. It is always heartbreaking to go through things like this because ministry is so personal and business is... well, just that "business". I went through many stages during my disillusionment like denial, shock, anger, rage, side choosing, plotting, depression, hurt, and hatred. I stayed busy finding someone to blame instead of trying to be the change. By the time it was all said and done, well... I had lost a dear friend and a ministry I loved to a hostile take over. Which will we choose?

        

    Or